You stand at the mouth of a cave

You stand at the mouth of a cave. The last thing you remember is being asked "A/S/L?" in an AOL chatroom in 2005. You look at your watch: it's 2021. You get the sense that, after 16 years, you're still using the internet as your primary tool to meet friends and lovers. Do you enter the cave? [[Enter the cave]] [[Turn around]]

You enter the cave. You notice an object: on the ground is a field notes journal, seemingly discarded from a previous visitor. Tucked inside is a pen. (text-colour:red)[(Joshua, get something to write with.)] [[Pick it up]]

You hate caves. You find them vulgar, cruel, troubling. You've seen Herzog's Cave of Forgotten Dreams: "In a forbidden recess of the cave, there's a footprint of an eight-year-old boy next to the footprint of a wolf. Did a hungry wolf stalk the boy? Or did they walk together as friends? Or were their tracks made thousands of years apart? We'll never know." You agree: we'll never know. You don't want to be that boy. [[Walk away from the cave]]

You walk across the barren landscape, putting more distance between you and the vile maw. Before you lies a strange wreckage. You look closer: it's a fell satellite. Your brain hardly registers a whooshing sound before another piece of orbital debris smashes into your head. It's an AOL satellite that was retired December 15, 2017, when AOL and Yahoo merged into a subsidiary of Verizon and discontinued AIM. You don't know any of this, though, because you're dead. [[Try Again|Beginning]]

With your writing implements, you continue further down the shrinking tunnel until a soft glow becomes incrementally more perceptible. You feel a shift in the air currents: ahead of you is a grotto. [[Enter the grotto]]

You enter the grotto. Before you a goblin is crouched upon a bed of selenite. Around her lies a clutter of discarded books interspersed with the remains of her saprophagic repasts. The grotto stinks of candles stolen from Whole Foods, rancid coffee, and pennies. [[Kill it]] [[Introduce yourself]]

You lunge toward the nearest 9.5 oz Palo Santo and Frankincence candle (which retails for $39.95, you recollect) and wield it as a cudgel to bash the goblin's head in. Instead, you burn your hand on the purloined organic soy wax blend while the goblin sits and waits. [[Feel embarrassed in front of the goblin|Introduce yourself]]

You reluctantly break the silence, "My name is--" The goblin shushes you with one wretched, manicured finger pressed to her lips. She then points to the pen and paper in your hands. "Write your name down on the paper and I'll help you find a book. Long ago the libraries were incrementally defunded until this cave was all we had left. We keep coming to work because any other occupation is inevitably more evil than this, so," she shrugs and trails off. [[Write your name down]]

"Great. I will ask you six questions, and you will write your answers down. Give the paper to me and I'll come back with a recommendation or two." She cracks her knuckles before arranging her horrible goblin body into a flirtatious pose. She's lying belly-down on the gypsum flat, her feet kicking in the air above like a teen from the 90s talking on a landline. It's the worst thing you've ever seen... Unless? "Are you dyslexic and/or do you struggle with longer texts?" [[Write down any accessibility considerations]]

"Write down your three favorite books. These can be three books that formed your identity as a reader, or three books that you've read in the past year two years that you really like, or you can just brag about how you totally Love and Understand Beckett." [[Write down your 3 favorite books. Add a few words about why you love them if you're feeling generous. Throw in some authors, too.]]

"Half way there. What do you want a book to do to you? You trying to feel emotional? Get weird? Feel bad? Make the world feel bigger? You trying to leave your life for a bit? What dragon are you chasing?" [[Write down what you're looking for]]

"How do you feel about genre fiction? Are you dyspeptic about speculative fiction? Alternatively, how well-versed in it are you? If I give a Le Guin book, will you be like 'yeah, duh'?" [[Write down any genre hang ups and/or depth of knowledge]]

"Do you have any publishers or imprints you frequent?" [[This is where I learn if we've already checked each other out at a zine fest]]

"Alright, last question: what's off limits? Controversial dislikes? Good things can be ruined. You date one girl fixated on Bataille and you probably never want to talk about solar excess again, that's okay." [[Write down authors, books, story lines, etc. you hate]]

By now you're worried: you don't even like reading that much, and after all this, you feel obligated to read whatever recommendation the goblin hands you. Sensing your mounting concern, the goblin tells you, "oh don't worry, you don't have to read or like whatever book I divine for you. The end goal is never the book; the end goal is the opportunity to share. It's just nice. Anyway, hand me your paper and give me a few moments to think." [[Send your notes to 703 732 9001]]

The goblin take your paper and wanders further down the cave's fissure. You are left alone, standing amongst her detritus. "Damn bitch, you live like this?" you think to yourself.